This is a piece I wrote as I took some time off recently and reflected on my sense of always needing to be busy doing things, of being productive, and of not feeling totally comfortable with doing ‘nothing’. Viewed from a society that values achievers and a mindset trained to comply with such social expectations, ‘nothing’ is a void to be filled, not one to be appreciated. Yet when you enter into doing nothing with intentionality it is not really a void at all; it’s the only route to source of all things, of who we truly are. Without that understanding, are not tasks a simple act of busy-ness, of avoidance of all that is important in the universe? 

Slowly I relax, descending from the peak of madness, of continuous action and tasks, lists and endeavours, things to do and cross off, more appearing as if from nowhere, landing on my consciousness like pin pricks, needles of despair as I realise they can’t all be done. 

An intensity, a burden, a travellator with no exits and no end. Yet here I am, and despite my best efforts I realise I am no longer on it. Or at least, I no longer have to be on it. A full day ahead and no longer do I have a list of things to do. Or do I? Breakfast, a bike tour, a bus to catch… Tick, tick, tick, done, done, done… Oh wait. Now what? Now I have nothing. Nothing planned, that is. Nothing except the entire possibility of a world of infinite possibilities. Time – hours – stretching into the future to be filled. Productively, of course, for we’re taught that’s the only way – time is not to be wasted.

Does this exciting infinity of the possible only creep in to my consciousness when I have no plan? No somewhere to be, something to do, someone to meet… Freedom… the lack of commitments and the lack of a ‘what now’ but the potential of any thing or any one at any time… a paradox, perhaps, that the less we plan and the less we structure the more we invite mystery in and the more we will find that it turns up the unimaginable for us. Yet the palms prickle at the thought of no plan, no clear and definable what-next. What instead? 

Into the void emerges something, anything, an I-know-not-what thing, and it so often turns out to be the very thing I need at that very time. Think less, plan less. Don’t check the phone for where to go or the when of the next train or the who-knows of the whats-around-the-corner. Stumble across a bakery, rather than googling the best bakery. Embrace the uncertainty of ‘what’s over there’ and explore, be an adventurer. Wander through an unknown door for the sheer joy of seeing what’s on the other side. Turn away from the crowds and look where they’re not looking. 

Set out with an inquiring mind and an open heart and embrace the joy of walking. Moving. Breathing. Sensing. Observing. Touching. Feeling. It’s all there, in front of us. To be embraced and explored. Not listed and checked. Not always, at least. Transition from the list world to the non-task-driven world. From the plan-and-do to the let’s-just-see. With the emphasis on the see. Here I am, a day into this transition. I think I did good. Unknowingly, that is. I didn’t feel the need to answer ‘now what and now where’. I went with it, and it went with me. 

Tomorrow, I’ll deepen my inquiry. I must feel more and plan less. Feel the vibe and respond accordingly. See what emerges and engage with its authenticity. See where my path takes me and where I take my path. I’m excited. It’s such fun. Way more fun, in fact, that a diary full of next-actions and must-meets, that conveyor of time that proceeds inexorably towards a future that never arrives. Resisting the nagging part of my brain seeking the sense of security that plans and tasks offer. Instead, embrace the kairos time of the here and now, the opportune and the ripe, the moment to walk through the newly-opening opportunities and explore the who-knows-what. 

In such uncertainty and ambiguity lies the fun and fullness of life, waiting to be embraced when we’re present and connected.